...pizza ji-zoint, coke-o puffs, 3 asians and a Bimmer, the gas...

[Things We Hit Last Night]

"Yo, Angela, did I wake you, girl?.. It's 3:30... Yes, in the morning but you are not gonna believe this shit!.. No, I can't call back later, girl, I can't sleep. Deshon there? Girl, tell that nigga to go back to his babies mommas bed -- Oh, you alone. Then, why you be trippin'? Acting like you're 9-to-5 and shit... I know, I know, you have your court thing tomorrow, but that's like at 2, so shut the fuck up and let me tell you what happened already.

"So, everybody's at the Purple Onion -- Y'know, everybody... Just everybody, girl: Cherry, Heidi, Nina, Monique, Co-Co, Madison - hey, did you tell that ho she could wear your boots?.. Well, she had them on at the club. She's nasty!.. Make her pay for them. That bitch banks tips... Anyway, we're all working the club and I see this army guy -- What? So I have a thing for them - I dunno, they remind me of GI Joe and I feel like Barbie when we fuck... Yeah, I turned him. But that's not why I'm calling... Okay, I'm getting there. Where was I?..

"With Arnold -- Yeah, Arnold, ugh!.. No, he hates Arnie... Okay, I'll skip the sex part - bo-ring... So we left the club before 2 to beat the rush to Mario's... They're so busy on Tuesdays...Shooters night at the bars. The line-up snaked into the alley - everybody's toking up. We sparked a coke-o puff... Mario doesn't give a shit.

"Gino was there wid Kim... skinny, Kim, the new girl...  Yeah, she's wid him... Yeah, he saw me. And I was wearing the stilettos he bought for our five-year anniversary... I didn't say shit to that low-track pimp, but that bitch kept looking at me like she's Hidden Tiger Kung-Fu Chicken and shit. She said something in asian, real loud so I could hear, y'know? I walked up to her, slapped that ho, yanked off her wig and threw it in her pizza.  It was a fucking riot! The cheese was melting the wig, and Kim has NO hair. None! It's like she's in chemo or something. Ha-ha-ha. So, Arnold and I got out of there before Mario can kick us out and I'm like, 'Wanna grab a taxi or do you have a ride?'

"Sheeyat, he drove a tore-up 'Lac... He said it was his friend's... So, we get out of downtown and traffic was really light so I started giving him head... Yeah, I used a condom - always, girl. I was going at it and I looked up at him to see if he's handling the road and both his eyes were shut then it got all bright. I stopped and poked my head up and saw nothing but headlights.

"He hit the other car.  Then, the trick floored it. I screamed, 'What the fuck are you doing?' He's banging on the steering wheel, getting all white-knuckled and babbling about how he can't be arrested, he's AWAL or some shit like that. Meanwhile, the car we hit's chasing us.

"Suddenly, he's offering me money to help him get away.

"I didn't want to be involved in no hit and run but he wasn't letting me out of the car right there and then. We got up to 75 - I was thinking, we might actually get away - the adrenalin's pumping over the coke. Then I looked behind us and the car we hit was right on our ass! Girl, he hit a mutherfucken BMW! Looked clean, too, except for the messed up grill.

"The Bimmer went for the driver's side, so I told Arnold to go hard right into the alley behind Safeway.  That 'Lac handled good - now I know why the mob uses them. We flew down the alley and I told him it was gonna cost him another bill. Can you believe the trick tried to argue! Lucky for me, just as we were nearing the end of the alley, the Bimmer suddenly turned into it, almost blocking us in. Fucken fast fuck caught up wid us and tried to head us off! Arnold never even touched the brakes. He pulled to the left, drove over the sidewalk, passed a tree, and I think we smashed the Bimmer's right taillight on the way out.

"I saw the people inside: an old asian couple.  She was wearing a fur coat... Maybe they were getting back from hardcore Mahjong gambling or something; they looked the type.

"Arnold kept driving while I shouted 'left', 'right', 'straight', 'left', 'left.' We're cutting through alleys and parking lots. Either the Bimmer got lost when we started backtracking our route or he figured it wasn't worth it - either way, we shook him. And I made an extra hundred bucks!  I don't think Arnold wants to date me again, though. Ha-ha-ha.

"Yo, Ange. Angela. You awake?"