Men

Looking back on my life and my experiences across the world, cultures, subcultures and around (and around) the block, one thing about the men in my life is glaringly clear: I have known and loved amazing, wonderful men. I have been blessed with memories and on-going relationships with beautiful men of this world and beyond. Maybe for me, it was a numbers game, but for whatever reason my path met theirs, I am perpetually grateful and self-refining because of how I have been loved and nurtured by the opposite sex -- perhaps more so than by the women in my life.

Please indulge me and celebrate with thanks The 13 Greatest Men Of My Life


#13 - Koyote The Blind, Toltec Master Aka Dua Shaman, www.akadua.com
Only he knows why, and he ain't saying... I have "no idea."


#12 - Allan M, My First Fiance
Allan was my first love after my gangrape. No surprise, he knew nothing about it. I didn't even admit to myself or anyone for that matter that I had been raped the summer before I went on my first date with Al on New Year's Eve. Our relationship spanned 2 years and we lived together for 1-1/2 of those years. He exposed me to a "healthfully ballanced family life" and as much as his family and Al welcomed me to be part of "normal life in Canada" I knew my heart still beat for more. I broke off our engagement over the phone while he was away on business. I never cheated on him. The last time we had sex, I had to stop it short and he went to a mutual friend's house who had always had a crush on him and slept with her. This pissed me off more than it should have and that was that.
     He moved away to Toronto or somewhere back east, met and married and had children, I think. My last year in VanCity, I was walking home from work and I swear I saw him looking at me as he approached with a group of people I did not recognize, but he looked away when we were within eye contact and we slipped past one another for the last time.


#11 - Dr. Albert E. Ho Yee, Family Physician and OB-Gyn
Dr. Ho Yee was our family doctor when we came to Canada. For decades I would often mistakingly refer to him as Uncle Ho Yee. He saw me after my gangrape, treated me for abuse, provided me with contraceptives for free since I was 15 years old, and took me in when I got thrown out of the Psyche Ward at St. Paul's Hospital for being too violent (duh!). He never revealed to me my mother's secret or her concerns for my wellbeing. He simply provided me the best health care a GP can provide.
     Having seen countless of doctors and specialists in the US, I can honestly say that Dr. Ho Yee is of the highest calibre and I miss the way he knew me from a child to an adult, never judging, never condescending, always a good, good man.


#10 - Gilbert, My Highschool Sweet<3
I grew up a lot with Gilbert -- well, as much as a 15 year old kid can grow up in 2 years. I was a Sophomore and he was a Senior when we first dated. It was Expo 86 in Vancouver and the World was looking at us. I was at the World's Fair everynight and I swear Gilbert and I had sex everywhere. The time his mom caught us naked on the family couch with a porno playing on their tv was not fun -- but we kept dating, even though it was clear there was more than our age difference creating issues between us. I would never be accepted into his family. Years go by and still he thought of me. Ten years after our last date together, I receive a Christmas card from him telling me that he misses me and has never gotten over our break-up. He asks me to call him if I am interested in catching up -- no pressure.      At that time, I was already working at Madame Cleos and I thought it would be a good idea to catch up to let him know that I am doing "my thang." He took me out for dinner and he let me get drunker than a skunker, then he took me home. I was loaded but sober enough to remember forever the look of sad disappointment in his eyes as he said, "Good bye and good luck, Tish."

#9 - Chris J.A., Baaadaaass VanCity Bike Courier
Chris is one of those mystical sprites, interwoven into my life's stories and relationships for as long as I was in Vancouver, and it seems everytime I return. One day, I may write in detail about my relationship with Chris -- but that story is more of a supplement to my more enriched relationships. One of the key issues that Chris would bring up to explain why I never could understand him is, in his words, "You can't ever know what it is like to have your own father reject you." I smoked my first joint with Chris when I was 23 years old.

#8 - Maurizio, Vancouver BC/Jayo Grad 88
The one relationship I regret letting go of. Maurizio loved me as a friend since our first year in HS -- umm, actually, he had an incredible crush on me for the first 3 years of HS but we were "just friends." He came out when I was engaged to Allan and there's a bit of a sad story in there too, but who cares? When I went back to Vancouver in September 2007, I contacted Mitz (as I have called him since we were 13 years old) and met him and his beau/business partner and it was like we had not spent the past 15 years estranged. Our laughs were harmonious, our dance moves synchronious, and he forgave me for being such a bitch when I told him I never wanted to see him again... oh, bad phrasing, I never told him. I just stopped taking his calls and ignoring him when I saw him in person. Terrible of me. Incredible of him to forgive me -- but then again, he has not contacted me since...

#7 - Dr. Josh Blank, Master of Hair, Color and Precision
Behind every great woman is an even greater hairstylist! I need to write an exclusive blog on Josh Blank and what he has done for me, my dreams, my will to live -- seriously... Josh is astonoshing. As a man, he is perfection. As an artist, he is consummate. As a designer and businessman, he is FIERCE! I drive 8 hours round trip for 2 hours in his chair with pride, glee and a commitment to responsible aesthetic.

#6 - Dr. Cole Ba$tard, Pain Tribe
The beautifully scarred and leathered Cole. B of Pain Tribe guided my journey into the Sundance and when I met my wall, he helped me search my essence and guided me towards my first flight. My wings are tattooed with his tears. Whenever I extend my dragon wings, the spirit of Dr. Cole Ba$tard rims the space of all consciousness. Did I mention he was stunning to behold?


#5 - Juan, The Hustler
The man who introduced me to life Via Sinistrae, walking the bardos and waking in the shared dream. For years and years I had thought of him as God. As Koyote. As me. I smile at how he let me, a true O.G. pimp from Mexico and Southern Cali. I was introduced to him by Chris and Juan admits that when he saw me for the first time, he had to have me. Since Chris was a very jealous man, this made our lives difficult... but exciting. I would have given my life for his. Fortunately, he never asked me to do so. The one time he told me he truly loved me and always had, I called him a liar to his face. You never seen a pimp die 'til you seen a pimp cry.


#4 - Brian M. Viveros, www.brianmviveros.com
... actually works for Hustler, designing their swag illustrations, when not swamped with independent work as a 21st century surrealist of note. From editorials around the world to cover art and merchandising, Brian has had his handstroke in some uniquely creative projects. None the least of which is, SOUTHERN, his first feature length film with life-long friend and fellow artist, Eriijk Ressler. The duo has worked on several short projects together, most successfully to date is the cult hit, dislandia. Brian M. Viveros' original art pieces show regularly in galleries and events around the US and in Europe, with a permament display at The Museum of Porn In Art, Zurich, Switzerland.
     I met Brian ridiculously -- off of craigslist, as I responded to his ad in Gigs for an actress, early 30s, for a full-length surreal art film. A week later, I was barebreasted and riding bareback on a 38-year-old elephant called Tai, at Have Trunk Will Travel. Brian dreamed and painted suspension rituals and agreed to include my sundance in SOUTHERN even though it meant extra editing, so much more footage and a split from the original storyline. I LOVE YOU, BRIAN! You and Eriijk have turned me from a dreamer into The Dream.. and are responsible for my immortality.


#3 - My Dad, my mom's husband
Now that the truth is out that my dad is not my biological father, my relationship with my dad is stronger and more expressive than ever before. I had spent years trying to bring us closer together, thinking that we could talk about the Philippines or my childhood when I wasn't such a handful (or two lol) but I had no idea that whenever I brought up "the old days" I was backing my dad into a corner where he could not express the truth. I had mistaken his silence for disinterest, when he really was acting only to protect my mom.
     He is a good for my mother, and my mom is a miracle for him. I got shuffled in the middle as a kid, but as a maturing woman in her 30s, I feel I need to lead my family into a new era of compassion for one another. I think I'm the only one that feels that way though.


#2 - Solarco, My Man
My stories have come to ultra-life since you have entered them. I love you as Love is intended to be experienced, I live for you as life is intended to be created, I adore you as you adore me. You know my all and the reason that we are. Thank you for acknowledging my experiences, for being a friend to Larry Larry, and for your loving understanding.


#1 - Larry Larry, my bestfriend of 11 years
Simply put, my second husband has loved and cared for me longer than anyone else in my life, including other family. He has provided me a home, a family business, a pack of mystical bitches and more fun and life-travels than I could have ever experienced on my own. He has been a source of inspiration as well as perspiration as we grew together from our twenties and an idealistic view of the world, to our thirties and a matured perspective on our own lives. I cannot express enough how great I know Larry is. Talented, intelligent, driven, adventurous. I am sorry for more than I care to admit publicly, but it is true, I have done unspeakable things that ended up hurting LL. He was caught in the middle of my family's lies and has grown to include my new perspective in his. Even though he cannot help me resolve my issues with my biological father, my mom has admitted that she only told me knowing that I had Larry for support.
     It's not at all simple, and Larry Larry you are certainly not at all simple. I am in awe of you and our friendship forever.