Certified Triple-A XXX Pussy

One of the things my first-time clients are giddily surprised to discover about me is that I live up to the LBFM stereotype in the sense that my snatch is calibrated to finger tight specifications, ergo my vaginal walls get rrrrridges like Rrrrruffles and has the muscular agility and strength of a tongue. Well, some other girl's tongue; my tongue is pretty spectacular in its own ballpark, if u get my meanin' ;-p

We working girls have our strategies for keeping it tight and ready to perform. Some are widely known by sensual women all over the world; others we professional girls keep to ourselves like Nana's No-Bake Cheesecake recipe. Some of the more referenced tips are:

Yoga -- Many of the moves and postures were developed in Ancient India, u know the culture responsible for The Kama Sutra and the erotic temples of Khajuraho. Oh, and Tantra, but more on that further on the list. Regarding how Yoga helps to strengthen the vaginal walls, look for moves and postures that focus on the core. My favorites are Beetle Squat, Mula Bandha and an ab exercise that looks like ur doing a crunching thighmaster -- the twatmaster ;). Ladies, my tip, pick up a postpartum yoga dvd BEFORE you get pregnant. Your future babydaddy will love you.

Tantra -- Practice it, girls... and you can do this by yourself if all u r attracting are two-minute men. It's bringing urself to the very edge of the brink of orgasm, then, by focusing on ur energy, redirecting it into another area with more space for ur energy to expand and intensify. It's not at all about stopping the orgasm as it is moving it into a more expansive state. Do this 12 times... yes, in one masturbation session (Ms. V, I'm looking at U!) On the 13th waffle, go full cream and let the syrup drizzle -- whoohoo. Yes, the headaches are normal at first and apparently less achey for vegans. With practice, tantric masturbation is an exceptional tool for self-discovery and spiritual connectedness. Kinda takes the phrase, Know Thyself, to Biblical relevence.

Breathe Deeply, Consciously, Lovingly -- If you properly practice Yoga and/or Tantra, this is part of the discipline so all the more benefit to do the above. However, if u can only commit to one thing on this list for strengthening ur sexual organs and amping ur overall sexy, proper breathing is the one thing u can do today, without paying anything, that will make u not only a better lover, but u will love sex better. One of the best nuggets of breathing advice I ever got was off the Longevity Breathing DVD by Lineage Master B.K. Frantzis, based on the Taoist principle of Seventy-Per-Cent. If you can find a copy of this DVD, it is critical knowledge in its simplicity and results. I'll blog about optimum sexual breath in another post.

Ginger -- Drink it as an organic herbal tea or eat the pickled kind u get with sushi or best yet, cook meals with the fresh spice that will help keep u pH balanced and sweet like pineapples.

Acidophilus -- Naturally found in organic yogurt sold at Wild Oats (help my investment portfolio please ;-) this bacterium is essential in keeping candida levels down and maintaining feminine health and hygiene. You can get it powder form, in capsules and in supplementary probiotics, but the best way to take acidophilus is by the millions of cultures.

Don't Douche -- Unless it's a one-time emergency thing, I suppose it is okay, but if you are douching regularly, ur upsetting ur natural pH balance, stressing ur vagina and possibly causing ur own irritation/infection. Get medical advice and make sure you inform your ob-gyn about ur douching habit.

Lube! -- Every time. Dildos should always be lubed. Lube condoms, even the lubricated ones -- more lube. Even if u are sooooo horneeee that u've soaked through ur VS panties, premium lube like KY Intrigue (about $20 and worth three times it's cost) will keep the action slick and even saucier. Kinda like wearing a bra even tho u have fake tits. Sure it's cool to not have to, but in the long run....

Now, my personal trade secrets -- right after I tell you why I feel I have a voice in this matter of sensual, tight pussies. Yesterday, as with every check-in Monday before Ranch work, I was at the Clark County Health District getting checked for STDs. It was a busier day than usual, with me coming in right before cut-off time as letter "G". (Shhhhh... they give letters to ranch girls and numbers to squares.) So, I get into the exam room for my PAP and I've been seeing the same gyn at that clinic for over a year. She sees most of us ranch girls. So, when she says to me as I'm stirrupped and speculummed, "Your cervix is very healthy;" I ask her to put it in writing LOL! That's right, gentlemen, 4 out of 5 gynecologists recommend Chyna Pi for your screwing pleasure ;-D Without further adieu, here are my secrets to a tight and happy cunt:

Love It! -- I'm my pussy's biggest fan... well, my sacred partner is making me run for that title, but seriously, girls you gotta know what your pussy looks like, what it feels like from all angles and all the ways you orgasm. I can orgasm without ever having my pussy touched, and my most mental out-of-body orgasms come with anal sex. Know what styles of underwear accentuate what's beautiful and unique to your crotch. If you're not happy with your bush, do something about it. I have coarse hair, so I brazilian the whole nest off. Some of my girlfriends at the CR have very fine and silky pubes and they do the classic bikini wax. There are products for coloring ur patch, too. I'm tempted to go blue just to be able to say Pussy Smurf. But then again, I have no hair...

Aka Dua -- It moves through and throughout my entire body, pulsating in rhythmic vaginal contractions that my clients appreciate jubilantly

Obsidian Egg -- Prescribed to me by Toltec Shaman Koyote as preparation for my role within The Work Community, I hold an obsidian egg (the size of a Small AA-Grade egg) inside my vagina during sacred meditation. Recently, I have also been holding the egg for a few minutes after each performance as a recapitulation exercise. Since no fluid transfers occur in my sex performance theater, the exercise is purely an exercise in practice and of Kegel. When I use the egg with my sacred sex partner, the healing is beyond medicinal. It is soul reaching. Obsidian is a power gemstone known for its purification properties and detox qualities. It features prominently in shamanic lore and ritual. If I ever get my navel pierced, I'd put in an obsidian belly button charm. I dunno if I'd ever get my labes pierced. But if I do, obsidian and gold.

Go G.I. Jane -- Not all the time, unless it's your thing, but what I notice when I go without panties is that I'm mindful of "puckering up" kinda like when I'm wearing a bikini, I'm mindful of sucking in. Side note, I landed my first fiance when he picked up a bundle of checks off the bank floor and noticed that I had no panties on under my business suit. He told me months later that he had to take an early lunch and jerk off in the restroom. Side bar, relationships based on the sight of naked pussy will not last.

Recapitulation -- The opposite of decapitation. A Shamanic exercise for regaining one's head after losing it through sex acts. Process prescribed by Toltec Shaman Koyote.

No.1 Secret -- hmmmm, this one, I'm keeping for myself, wink... however, I am inclined to share with generous ladies, couples and gentlemen who like to watch.